Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My mother and the accidentally waxed kitty

Disclaimer: The author of this blog has been given permission by the persons involved in the events written about therein and may not be held liable for any damages. No animals were harmed during these events. (aren't you glad I'm getting my paralegal certificate, Ma?)

My mom called me a few days ago, you will come to find that this is a recurring theme here. My mom calls me everyday actually, but on this day...I'll try to recreate what happened to the best of my knowledge. You can't write this stuff...these sort of things really do happen to my mom. And it all starts with my mom asking; 

"Can I tell you about my waxing adventure?"

Now, I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear about my mom's "waxing adventure" but she continued anyway.

So, this morning I decided I was going to wax my face because I'm going to see your brother this weekend and well, it just needed to be done. So I use the Nad's strips, right? You know, Nad's

"ah,  Ma, I know what Na...

Anyway, usually they have those smaller strips the ones that you can actually use on your face. But, OFCOURSE, when I go they're out, so I buy the bigger ones that you can use on your legs. You can cut them into smaller strips to use on your face. I get home and I go into the bathroom and I rub the two strips together...ya know, you rub and rub and rub and you make it all warm like and then you peel the two pieces apart. Well, I decided I wasn't going to cut the bigger strips into smaller strips I just wasn't going to put the whole frigging thing on my face. I lay one strip on the bathroom counter with the sticky side up...

Before I go on I want you to know that where this story is about to go I was not expecting. I was expecting some crazy story about my mom's face breaking out in hives or her ripping some of her epidermis off before she went to see my brother for the weekend. 

I'm about to put the first strip on my face when the cat walks in and jumps up onto the counter and I'm like "Willow, now don't step on that it's sticky", so she steps over it with her front paws and steps right in the thing with her back paw. She freaks out and starts flinging her foot, flinging it like that...

At this point she actually starts flinging her arm like she's trying to get something sticky off of her hand, I know this because this is simply just what my mom does. She thinks that you can see her and her surroundings while you're on the phone. Like the time she took a a drive to look at Christmas lights and she said "Oh, Emmy, you see that one...oooooo....so pretty...". 

She's flinging it and flinging it and it's not coming off and she finally kinda jumps and I grab her and get it off of her foot, but she must have jumped or something...because now it's on her midsection! And she's running around the house with this wax strip on her mid section and she's flipping out and I'm trying to catch her! So, finally she just kinda sits on the kitchen table and she looks at me like "this isn't so bad, we'll just live this here".  Every time I got near her she would kinda swat at me...but it's on her midsection...and she was just fixed...so it's on her scar...and it's still tender. Oh, my poor baby. 

oh...my...god...

I put a blanket in her carrier and kinda gently get her in the carrier and I take her to the vet. So, when we get there I don't really see any cars in the drive way so I'm kinda freaking out. "What if they're not open...what do I do", right? So I walk in and there are three people in the office. The secretary, the vet's assistant and an elderly lady with her cat. I'm just standing there...and then the assistant asks me what she can do for me today. So, I just go into the whole thing. Kinda talking over the secretary because the other woman was behind her and the old lady in front of me. I'm telling them all about the waxing and then I get to the part about how she got it stuck to her midsection and all three ladies gasp...they all go "Ohhh..."

Well, yah, ma...they're probably thinking you're this cruel cat owner...

I finish the story and the assistant says "ok, well we'll bring her back and see what we can do".  I hand them Willow and I hear them as they walk away say, "oh, Willow, your mama just wanted get pretty and you got all in the middle".  They got the wax strip off...but she still has this little bit of wax on her midsection that I can't get off...but she seems ok. Emmy, this all happened before 9:30 in the morning. 

....

So, there you have it folks....my mom accidentally waxed her cat. This cat must have nerves of steel or she's just as much of a free spirit as my mother...or she wouldn't be able to live with her, I know I couldn't. Love you, mama. 




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